Local Edition - Paula Stallcup

WOAI News Troubleshooters recently did a story about city employees suspected of stealing gas from city pumps.

Examples of some of the records anomalies discovered by WOAI:
- One driver fueled up on two consecutive days, after only going 25 miles.
- Another refueled twice in one day after driving 21 miles.
- And yet another fueled up after traveling only 4 miles.

Today’s dumbass, Director of Downtown Operations Paula Stallcup, was not aware of the city’s fueling policy (No fueling unless the vehicle has traveled at least 100 miles).

The reason for such heavy gas use, according to Stallcup, is because the Chevy Malibus are getting about half the government’s estimate of 18mpg.

When asked specifically why someone might need to refuel after traveling only four miles, Stallcup responded, “They may not have - um - you know they - um - I really can’t explain that.”

Then the following exchange:
WOAI: Is it possible your employees are stealing gasoline?
DIG: No sir. That’s not possible.
WOAI: You’re sure?
DIG: Positive

Nice try Paula. Time for you to go now. I’m writing the mayor to insist you be replaced for the following reasons:
1. Being ignorant of the existence of fueling regulations you should know about as Director of Downtown Operations.
2. You are an idiot to think the fair citizens of San Antonio are so stupid we’d believe those Malibus are getting 9MPG.
3. For not even entertaining the possibility that your employees are capable of deceipt.